Wednesday, February 5, 2014

27 Things I've Learned

Tomorrow is my birthday, or by the time I finish writing this it will be today and I can't stop thinking about how much my life has changed over the past few years. I've learned a lot and have had to make a lot of choices. Some have been good, some bad, and some are ones I hope to never repeat. Every night I look at Camilla as I'm laying her in her crib and I think about the life she has ahead of her. I think of all of the choices she'll have to make, the joys she'll have, and the heartbreak that will inevitably come with life. I pray that she learn from the mistakes that I have made. So, for her, and anyone else who is bored enough to are 27 things I've learned so far in my young life (although today it feels old. I'm in my late 20's EEK!)
  1. The more impatient I get, the more God makes me learn to wait. 
  2. I should have never taken that 2 year break from college (yes, I know you told me so mom and dad).
  3. Life is really hard. But it's also really great. Trials will come but they come for a purpose. When I can remember that, they become much easier to deal with. 
  4. I've realized that God gives us MORE than we can handle. The old saying "God only gives you what you can handle" is false. If God only gave us what we were capable of, how would we learn and grow? How could we possibly know how much we are actually capable of if our limits are not tested?
  5. I never knew how fast I could move until I thought Camilla was choking on her own spit. I was like The Flash. Seriously. Moms gain instant superpowers. 
  6. I've often thought about how "unfair" life can sometimes be. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss my Uncle Rudy. Or think about how unfair it is that I got to spend so little time with my Grandma Esther. But if there's one thing I've learned from Harry Potter, it's that "The ones who love us, never really leave us." Thank you Sirius Black.
  7. No matter what you think, you cannot change another person. They need to want change for themselves. So, no matter how many times I yell at John for leaving wet towels all over the place, he'll still leave them wherever the heck he wants to.
  8. Music is a cure-all. No matter how down I am feeling, a good Michael Buble song will always lift my spirits. 
  9.  I always thought the idea of soulmates was bologna, but I've started to realize that maybe I've been wrong all this time. No other man would ever put up with my crazy shenanigans unless we were destined to be together. 
  10. It's scary to think that the classics when we grow up could contain the likes of Miley Cyrus, Ke$ha, and Kanye West. How embarrassing will that be? 
  11. I never knew exactly how much I loved John until I saw how much he loves Camilla. It's the craziest thing. My heart melts each time I see him kiss her forehead or make her laugh.
  12. Just because you're "pre-approved" does NOT mean you should go ahead and get that credit card. Lesson learned.
  13. A very smart woman once told me "one day when you have one of your own, you'll know exactly what it feels like..." Mom was right. I know. And I'm sorry for every tear I may have caused.
  14. On that note, it is NEVER too late to apologize. My stupid pride caused me to lose two years of friendship with someone who I love dearly. I wish I would have apologized earlier and made things right with her. Thankfully, she's not as stubborn, proud, dumb, (fill in the blank with whatever adjective you want) and she mended our friendship in a way I probably could not have. You know who you are and you've taught me a very valuable lesson. I'll never be able to repay you for that. 
  15. Our timetable is usually not on par with God's timetable. No matter how much I think I know or how right I think I am, God knows more and He is probably more right than I ever could be. 
  16. And God probably has an incredible sense of humor.
  17. No matter how bad you think you have it, someone always has it worse. Be grateful for what you have and don't dwell on what you don't have. That attitude will stop you from enjoying the blessings you already have. 
  18. Being right is not as important as being nice.
  19. A wise man once told me, "Don't worry. You will figure it out like you always do." He's right. I should have that tattooed on my forehead. 
  20. Saying "Calm down" when someone is angry, doesn't work. Silence does though. Just ask my sister. 
  21.  Plan your life all you want, those plans will almost always fall through.
  22. The grass may not always be greener on the other side, but if you never take risks, you'll never know. 
  23. My job has taught me that life really is too short. It's so cliche but enjoy every minute that you have with your loved ones. You never know what could happen. 
  24. A long shower at the end of a rough day, will almost always make you feel better. Just wash away all the crap that you were thrown that day.
  25. I took for granted the time that John and I had together before he worked nights. We'd usually spend the nights doing our own thing and not spending a lot of time together. Now, I'd give anything to have that back. DON'T waste that time. 
  26. Positive thinking can literally change your life. If you focus on how crappy your life is, you will only see the bad. Take the time to look for the good and your whole outlook will change. This is something that I need to remind myself of quite often, but it works, every time. Just laugh away your sadness.
  27. My life has not in any way turned out the way I planned, and I couldn't be any luckier. 

Monday, December 30, 2013

Thank you, beautiful stranger. You taught me a valuable lesson.

This happened a couple of weeks ago but I feel the need to publicly say thank you to a woman I will probably never see again. I was at Hobby Lobby with Camilla trying to pick out some last minute Christmas decorations. I could literally spend hours and hours inside of that store and spend hundreds of dollars, but I digress. Anyway, I was talking to Camilla and asking her which decorations she liked and disliked. Yes, I know she can’t understand me but I like to think she can. If she smiles, then I take that as yes and put whatever I have in the cart (and that is how I spend too much money at Hobby Lobby). There were these two snotty teenagers who apparently had nothing better to do than smirk and laugh at the crazy lady talking to a baby. Personally, I could give two hoots about what they think of me and I kept on doing what I was doing. A few minutes went by and their snickering got a little louder and I heard them say “That chick is so stupid. Does she KNOW her baby can’t understand a damn word she’s saying?” I ignored them but a sweet, sweet lady standing at the end of the aisle couldn’t. She turned to them and said, “That chick, is a mother who obviously loves her daughter very much. That baby may not be able to understand what she is saying, but believe you me, she can feel the love that her mom has for her. Maybe if your mom had treated you that way, you wouldn’t be behaving the way you are right now. Maybe if more parents paid their babies the attention that this woman is showing hers, we wouldn’t have so many punks running around our streets.” Then she turned to me and said “What is your daughter’s name?” I said “Camilla.” Then she said to me, “Keep doing what you do. You are a beautiful mother and Camilla can sense every ounce of love you show to her. She may not understand it now, but one day she will.” She gave me a hug, rubbed Camilla’s cheek and walked away.

So I say “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” to that beautiful I woman I may never see again. I didn’t get a name and she didn’t even give me a chance to thank her in person. I was having kind of a crummy day that day, but she didn’t know that. She didn’t know that her comment and hug completely made my day. Sometimes I feel the need to speak up in situations like this and sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I think from now on, I will.

Monday, December 23, 2013

All We Need is Love

There is something I have to get off my chest. I know that I don’t always have a popular opinion and that’s okay. I’m used to it. Over the weekend, gay marriage was allowed in Utah. I was shocked at the status updates filling my Facebook wall. I have a lot of homosexual friends and a lot of friends with family members who are homosexual. Do I agree with their lifestyle? No. But they may not agree with mine either. BUT, just because I happen to believe something different than they do, it does NOT give me the right to take away their happiness by being judgmental and plain mean.
A lot of things have changed for me in the very, very short time I’ve been a mother. Lynette, I’m calling you out! Listening to all of the stories you have told me about what your son has gone through have always touched me but since Camilla has been born, they have even more so. Numerous times I’ve gone home after having one of our dinners and cried because I can’t imagine the pain he has felt and the pain you’ve felt as a mother trying to protect her son. I also can’t imagine the joy you felt hearing the news last week. The way you changed your views and how you’ve worked to give your son the best life possible will always be an example to me.
Of course my religious beliefs play a big role in what I think about the whole situation, but my parents have always taught me that we should never, ever judge another human being (thanks Mom and Dad!). We were not put on this Earth to judge our fellow man, we were put here to love and support our fellow man. I have never heard in any teachings to love when it is only easy or convenient. My favorite primary song says “As I have loved you, love one another” it doesn’t say “as I have judged you, judge one another”, or “As I have loved you, love when it is convenient for you”. Regardless of what my beliefs are, it is not my place (or anybody’s) to place judgment on another person for how they live their life. I would not want that. The way I live my life may be in the minority when compared to the rest of the world, but that doesn’t give anybody else the right to ridicule or make fun of me. It’s my choice and my life. The same goes with homosexuality. Just because it may be in the minority and different from how the rest of the world lives their lives, gives NOBODY the right to belittle those who live that way. When and if, we are judged for our choices and the way we’ve lived our lives, it will not be up to you or I to make those judgments. Those are reserved for a higher power. I for one, do not want to be on the wrong side of “Why didn’t you love your fellow men? Why did you judge those so harshly when you were so far from perfect yourself? Why did you go out of your way to make one of my children unhappy?” I intend to be able to look God straight in the eye and say “I loved even those I could not agree with. I loved those who were different from me and I tried my best to share in the joys of others.” Am I wrong to believe that way? Maybe. But I feel much more at peace living my life that way than I would if I were living my life trying to take whatever happiness others could have away from them. I don’t believe that is my place. I choose to go on living my life the way that makes me happy and I intend to let others do the same without making them feel like they are a lesser human being.
Rant over. I’m stepping off of my soapbox.
And Merry Christmas! :)

Friday, December 13, 2013

2013, You've Been GOOD to me.

It was about this time last year that we found out we were pregnant with Camilla. I don't think I've told many the story because it wasn't necessarily the easist time of my life. Although, this last year has had its ups and downs, it's been one of the best of my life. We never find out what we are capable of until we are tested. If we were never weak, we'd never learn to be strong. Without falling, we would not know how to get up. I am reminded of this time after time after time.

July 2012 we had a miscarriage. I was sad. I was upset. I was confused. I was heartbroken. I was so scared to even try to get pregnant again because I was so afraid of having another miscarriage and I did not think that I was emotionally ready to handle another heartbreak like that. After much prayer, we decided to try again. In December we found out we were pregnant. We were so happy! And I was terrified. A few days later, I ended up in the ER. After an ultrasound, the ER doctor determined I probably had an ectopic pregnancy. Heartbreak. Again. I immediately made an appointment with my OB. We had some tests done, some bloodwork done, and I was told all was probably okay. A couple of days later, I got a call from my doctor's office and they told us to come in to the office on Christmas Eve. CHRISTMAS EVE. All I thought was, "on a holiday?! That's NEVER a good sign!" John took my hand and told me to stay positive and that everything always finds a way to fix itself. No matter what the problem is. We went to our appointment and had our ultrasound. They found a cyst. And an 8 week old baby! CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! Everything seemed to be fine and our baby was growing.

Fast forward 8 months and we found out I was having some problems with my liver and we'd have to deliver early. I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life. I felt unprepared. I thought I had 3 weeks left to get everything (and myself) ready for this baby. We checked in to the hospital Saturday at 11:30 PM. 26 hours of labor later and Camilla was in our arms! The amount of love that I instantly had for this new human being was incredible. It's true, you just don't know until you have one of your own. I love this girl more than anything. I would give my life for her in an instant. She's been such a blessing for our family. She can be a nightmare. She can be a diva. She keeps me up all night and makes doing homework an impossible a feat as willing myself into outer space. But I wouldn't trade her for anything in this world. I can't imagine our lives without her.

Last month, we spent a couple of days at Primary Children's where we found out Camilla has kidney reflux. It's scary but we are blessed enough that it's not severe and we can moderate it with medication.

2013 also brought me a new job. I honestly applied for funsies. I never thought I'd get the job but lo and behold, God was looking down on us. It's an incredible opportunity for my family and I intend to make the most of it. Every day I'm reminded of how lucky I am to have my health and that John has his. We are both able to work and take care of one another and give Camilla the things she needs. While we may not be rich or roll around in 100 dollar bills, we have what we need and we have enough to help others when they need it.

2013, I'm thankful for the roller coaster you've provided so far. I've learned that John and I can get through anything if we trust in each other and the plan that God has for us and not the plan that WE have for each other. While I would have preferred to never go through the emotional strain of a miscarriage, I appreciate so much the miracle that Camilla is. While I wish I could stay home with Camilla, I'm grateful that John and I both have jobs, that we have a roof over our heads, we have cars to take us to work, we have health insurance for when we need it. I have an amazing family and incredible friends. Here's to 2014!I hope you are as exciting as was the year before you.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Moms are moms.

I will start by saying that I’ll probably come across as bitter, angry, envious maybe, but definitely annoyed at the recent onslaught of posts about stay at home motherhood. I’m just a nobody and I doubt anyone will care to read what I have to say. But, every single post has gone on and on and on and on and on about stay at home moms and their decisions to “do what’s right” and how the world would be lost if not for stay at home moms. How it is a full time job (which yes, I agree with), how more women should make the sacrifice to stay at home, how society greatly benefits from these heroes who choose to stay at home and sacrifice their lives to be with their little ones.
Well, good for them. I agree to a point about all of the greatness of stay at home motherhood. But I will not stand by while all of these people, some my friends, make those of us who HAVE to work feel guilty for having to work. I would love to be a stay at home mom, but that is not the situation I am in. Am I envious of those who can stay home? Yes. Do I wish I could stay at home with my beautiful little girl? Yes. Would it be the best thing for Camilla? Probably. Should I feel like a bad mom for trying to support her while my husband and I finish school? Absolutely not. Maybe I’m writing this to make myself feel better about having to leave my girl 4 days a week for 11 hours a day. Am I less of a mom because I don’t spend all day with my daughter? I don’t think so. Do I spend every hour I’m away from her wishing I was with her and scrolling through pictures of her on my phone? You bet. Do I worry that I’ll miss moments like the first time she crawls, her first steps, her first words? OF COURSE. Some of us don’t have the option of being a full time stay at home mom. But we are still full time, working moms. Just because I work for half of the day, does not mean that I stop being a mom for that part of the day. I get up every day, go to work for 10 hours, come home and pack a full day’s worth of mom stuff, into 4 or 5 hours. Cook, clean, laundry, homework while still finding time to play with Camilla so she knows, (even at her young, YOUNG age) that I love her and that she has my attention and affection.
My mom was always a working mom. But she was still MY MOM. I gained my hard work ethic from my mom. I learned how to cook from watching my mom. I learned how to clean, do laundry, from watching my mom. I learned how to be a mom from my mom. I learned how to sacrifice for my daughter from my mom. Am I a troubled human being because my mom had to work and couldn’t stay home with me? I don’t think so. Was my mom any less heroic than any other stay at home mom? You bet your ass she wasn’t. Do I think that stay at home moms have a difficult job? There is no doubt in my mind. But I think that working moms have it just a little bit harder. So this goes out to all of my working full time moms. I hope you don’t ever feel the way I have felt these last few weeks because of things you’ve read, seen, or heard. You are no less of a mom than any other mom. You work just as hard to raise your children, give them the love they need, teach them the lessons they need to learn, and I see it. Your families see it, your children see it. I’m not hating on my stay at home moms. I’m just defending those who may feel the way I do. That’s all. Moms are moms 24/7 no matter where they are.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

The Token Thanksgiving Post

In order to not be a hypocrite, I'll post my "I'm grateful for..." post to my blog and not on Facebook. There's something special about this time of year. It isn't the sales, the Black Friday deals, the extra big meals, or even the gifts. It's the feeling that can automatically come (if you're open to it) when you're willing to give to others. With that, since today is Thanksgiving, I want to say that I am so grateful, not for the things in my life, but for the people in it. I'm grateful for my wonderful husband. He's given up so much for me in the short time we've been together, and I appreciate it every single day. I'm madly in love with this man and I can't picture my life without him. I'm grateful for my family. My parents have also given up so much for me and my siblings. I'll never be able to repay them for the sacrifices they've made for us. They're the best examples I have. I'm grateful for extended family. My family quadrupled in size when I got married. I'm grateful for the craziness they bring into my life. I'm grateful for the role they played in shaping John to be the man he is today. I know he wouldn't be the man he is today if not for them, and for that, I'm extremely grateful. I'm grateful for my sister. She's one of the most honest, selfless people I've met. She's always kept me on my toes and her sense of humor is one in a million. I'm grateful for Corey. He brings something special to our family. I can see how happy he makes my sister and as an older, protective sister, I can't thank him for that. I'm grateful for my baby brother. He's obnoxious, loud, and stubborn, but I wouldn't have him any other way. I love him for the service he's providing now and for the blessing he is, not only to me, but to everyone he's teaching now. Lastly, I'm grateful for wonderful friends. They've been there for me through thick and thin. Everyone says this, but I truly have the best friends any girl could ever ask for. They're more than friends, they're my family. I'm extremely lucky. I have amazing people around me who put up with all of my craziness and shenanigans. I don't need November or December to come around to remind me of the blessings I have, BUT it's nice to feel the thanksgiving spirit. I just wish it was like this all year round. Happy Thanksgiving peeps!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


It's been a while since I've blogged but today seems like an appropriate day to write a little something. Today was very bittersweet. We were able to take my little brother to the MTC. As a sister, I could not be more proud of the young man he is turning into. While I was sad to see him go, I know that he is where he is supposed to be at this point in his life. I am definitely going to miss him and Sunday dinners are going to be very quiet without him but I'm hoping he comes back a little more mature! ;) My mom and dad should be very proud of him. I hope they know how blessed they will be because of the way they raised him and the things they taught him. 
As we drove to the MTC with my brother in the backseat I couldn't help but think of how lucky the people of New York will be. My brother, as annoying as he can be, has one of the biggest hearts any person could have. One thing I will never forget is the sight of all the white shirts wheeling their suitcases away while their families looked on, taking one last look, one last picture of the little boys they raised into selfless young men willing to put their lives on hold to serve and bless the lives of strangers. It was incredible to see. 
Things have been a little hard for me lately and I have been an emotional train wreck. My friends and family have really shown their support these last few weeks and for that, I could not be more grateful. My brother did not leave without (much to my surprise) imparting some wise words. The scripture he chose for his missionary plaque was oddly enough something I really needed to hear. "Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days. (Doctrine and Covenants, Doctrine and Covenants, Section 24)" 
Two years will go by fast. Remember what you told me this morning. He will be fine and The Lord will protect him. He is ready and you and dad taught him well. There is no other place in this whole world he should be right now. He has had great examples in dad, John, and Corey to help him prepare for what he will face. 

Buena suerte Elder Nisguritzer! Estas en mi corazon y oraciones!